How Do I Not Love You?
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Dylan and Rommie get introspective about their relationship.


**A/N: This is something I wrote a _long_ time ago and decided I would share. It's set sometime after _The Mathematics of Tears_ and _Star-Crossed_. The song is "How Do I Not Love You?" by Joy Enriquez and was the love theme in _Anna and the King; _I just thought it suited Dylan and Rommie very well. The story shifts between Rommie's POV and Dylan's. Hope it's not too confusing. Hope you enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did Dylan would have realised _long_ ago that he was in love with Rommie. **

**How can I not love you?**

_Can not touch, can not hold, can not be together_

_Can not love, can not kiss, can not have each other_

_Must be strong and we must let go_

_Can not say what our heart must know_

_How can I not love you?_

_What do I tell my heart?_

_When do I not want you here in my arms?_

_How does one waltz away from all the memories?_

_How do I not miss you when you're gone?_

…

You once told me that the Captain is the heart of their ship, that you were my heart. You have no idea how true those words were - are; I have always loved you. In this place, this time, I love you even more as I am now free to love, free to be. Plus you are the only thing that's familiar.

Now you stand next to me on the Observation Deck as I look at the stars, close, yet untouchable. But I can never tell you that I love you, yet I wonder; do you love me?

…

_Can not dream, can not share sweet and tender moments_

_Can not feel how we feel, must pretend it's over_

_Must be brave and we must go on_

_Must not say what we've know all along_

_How can I not love you?_

_What do I tell my heart?_

_When do I not want you here in my arms?_

_How does one waltz away from all the memories?_

_How do I not miss you when you're gone?_

…

You're staring out at the stars; I pause for a brief moment to get a good look at your profile before I join you. I glance at your face and decide that I do not want to break the silence between us, not yet. So I gaze out into space.

I still remember that time when I told you that I was your heart, I never realised that you would turn out to be my heart. Yet somehow I have always known it to be true, but dismissed it. Then Harper gave you this form and I could ignore it no longer. I love you.

…

_How do I not love you?_

_Must be brave and we must be strong_

_Must not say what we've know all along_

…

You haven't broken the silence, I glance at your face; you're staring out at the stars, lost in thought. I leave you to your musings and return to my own. Your proximity is, daunting; I am a warship, I am not afraid of anything, except losing you. I see what became of my sister, Pax, when she lost her Captain, I wonder if I would do the same if I lost you.

…

_How can I not love you?_

_What do I tell my heart?_

_When do I not want you here in my arms?_

_How does one waltz away from all the memories?_

_How do I not miss you when you're gone?_

...

I wonder what you are thinking of; you glanced at me before you turned back to stars. Perhaps you are wondering why I haven't broken the silence, why I joined you only to be silent. Yet for some reason this moment seems…precious. Like we are on the same wavelength somehow; I hope you know that you are very special to me. I do not know what I would do if I lost you; it would be more then losing a ship I would be losing someone special as well. Perhaps I should tell you how I feel now before someone interrupts us and before I lose you.

…

_How can I not love you when you're gone__?_

…

You have been silent for a long time, yet the silence is comfortable. I am always comfortable with you, I trust you. The hardest thing that I have ever had to do was to say goodbye to you when I was going to leave with Gabriel. Thank God I did not end up leaving; it was painful to lose him, but my…other self, was right, he was just a substitute for you.

Presently you break the silence…

-------

**A/N: I leave it up to you to decide whether Dylan spills the beans or not (personally I like to think he does) :)**


End file.
